today i thought i might write some things. for many things seem a little blurry around the edges right now... a little less obvious and a little bit more full of little possibilities fluttering about beneath the smudges. i know that little things are the important things, that the breaks and stops and commas between all of the words make the words better, in their own minor way. but every now and then the big things seem to be fading and blurring and you stop trying to focus even. you just cross your fingers and hope that maybe tomorrow your vision will return, your clarity and sense of purpose. i wonder though, how long you can wait for this day to come.
because i look around me every day, and i see so many beautiful amazing people living their lives a day at a time, paying no heed to the bigger picture. they are just tinkling away, triangles in hand, being paid just as much as the orchestra because ultimately... where would the orchestra be without the triangle?
i know i have spent so much time worrying about whats happening in my life. where im going next. who im going to be. but mainly worried about the lack of determination and focus i have, when it seems, i have forgotten. forgotten why i wanted focus, because i am focussed. just not on the things i expected to be focussed upon. its almost as though my brain is ticking away like a grandfather clock, waiting for the right moments to come out and say what i mean to say. it does take time. and effort. and passion. and all the little things that everyone always forgets about.
but these are the times that test out souls.
movies will be made about days like today.
words will be spoken and ignored and reiterated and written.
with the eventual realization that its the little things that make us smile