i miss my best friends...


new york



not brighton



charity shops and harveys in lewes with pretty girls and long scarves...

makes me smile.


my new world


all theory. no action.




i have many things to say about israel and palestine. maybe ill say them in bits an pieces. today i was thinking about my lifetime and the major events that have happened which i should have experienced but didn't. due to governmental abilities at hiding events and due to my white middle class ignorant blissful childhood.. which although i would never ever renounce as it has provided me with the stability of mind and empathetic ability that has led me to question the world and yearn for information, has also shown me how life can and should be for children all over the world.
Its strange to think that this is where my life experiences have led me, concerned for children living in a prison verging on humanitarian crisis, but not quite hitting the marker with enough force to be a serious cause for concern (for the governments in question, not for the people involved/ watching on).
there are places i have never heard of, with things happening that i have never ever imagined. aborigines in australia that still stand unrecognised in camps similar to concentration camps, leaders of the khmer rouge regime that decimated millions of cambodians, wandering free and easy in local communities without so much as a slap on the wrist...

and now we are confronted with israel and palestine.
what happens next?





today i thought i might write some things. for many things seem a little blurry around the edges right now... a little less obvious and a little bit more full of little possibilities fluttering about beneath the smudges. i know that little things are the important things, that the breaks and stops and commas between all of the words make the words better, in their own minor way. but every now and then the big things seem to be fading and blurring and you stop trying to focus even. you just cross your fingers and hope that maybe tomorrow your vision will return, your clarity and sense of purpose. i wonder though, how long you can wait for this day to come.
because i look around me every day, and i see so many beautiful amazing people living their lives a day at a time, paying no heed to the bigger picture. they are just tinkling away, triangles in hand, being paid just as much as the orchestra because ultimately... where would the orchestra be without the triangle?
i know i have spent so much time worrying about whats happening in my life. where im going next. who im going to be. but mainly worried about the lack of determination and focus i have, when it seems, i have forgotten. forgotten why i wanted focus, because i am focussed. just not on the things i expected to be focussed upon. its almost as though my brain is ticking away like a grandfather clock, waiting for the right moments to come out and say what i mean to say. it does take time. and effort. and passion. and all the little things that everyone always forgets about.
but these are the times that test out souls.
movies will be made about days like today.
words will be spoken and ignored and reiterated and written.

with the eventual realization that its the little things that make us smile

buddy horsham holly