accidental

I am finding working very difficult. Days seem to zoom past and I end up in black work clothes sitting in my kitchen and waiting for bedtime so I can make sure I sleep before getting up to go to the place of dreams. It makes me crumble a little bit, and each day i want to run away more, but get home and sit down and realise it is 10 days later than I thought it was, there is no such thing as outside-of-work and my feet have forgotten what those lovely trainers sat dusty under the table are for.
I'm trying to remember why I stopped studying. Why I'm sat here feeling a bit shitty about the world because all I want to do is help and instead I get angry Irish women screaming down the phone at me because their 'tag' is not work correctly.

I can't remember why I want or need money what it is I want to do and why I want to do it.

I just can't remember.